“What are you scared of?” She asked.
“I’m scared of the truth.” I answered. “I’m scared of speaking and stepping into my truth. I am scared of just being me and losing everything.”
“But what will you lose?” She asked.
“I will lose what I know. Who I am. What I have strived to become and all that I have.” I answered.
“But is all of that really you? Who are you anyway? Is what you have truly what makes you happy?”
I had to think hard before answering these questions because She knew. She knows everything, She has this innate knowing when I am bullshitting.
“No it’s not me,” I confessed.
“I want simplicity. I want to live a life where I am free to do whatever I want in the moment. I want to know what that even means. I want to feel gratitude. I don’t know what gratitude really feels like at a soul level. I only know it at a superficial level. All I know is that I am not happy in my current situation, I am just existing. I am living a lie.”
She smiled at me and said, “And so it is. Now that you have spoken your truth, it will come to you. Beware of how it comes as it is not always as it seems. It wears a mask and masquerades in different forms. But it is always your truth manifesting. Stay firm in your truth.”
That was a conversation we had almost two years ago.
My truth did come.
It came in ways that tested every fibre of my being.
It challenged my beliefs. It ripped my heart out. It had me on my knees begging for help, for answers, for someone to come and save me and to stop the destruction that was happening in my life.
I was losing everything around me, life as I knew it was being dissolved right before my eyes.
Is this what I signed up for? How am I going to survive?
The feelings of loss and guilt for not holding on, the fear of letting go and the terror of the unknown were sickening.
And I continued to resist.
And at times I lost faith.
And I thought I was crazy.
And I tried to cover my truth.
And above all, I forgot what She said.
But She was always there, I just couldn’t see or hear her through the noise I was creating.
She sent people and messages at exactly the right times to remind me, to help and guide me.
Deep down I knew, I had this deep sense of security amongst the chaos.
I just had to learn to become the observer.
And then one day it happened. As I hit rock bottom. It happened.
And when I surrendered, the pace of the miracles manifesting before my eyes were rapid.
The rebuilding of my new life started in simple and subtle ways.
I was more aware.
Consciously choosing to do, say, and call in things and situations and people that I was truly aligned with.
I am relaxed.
I am content.
My life is simple.
I feel deep gratitude. I know what it actually feels like at a soul level.
I feel immense happiness and great pleasure in the simplicity of all things.
I know what bliss feels like.
I have faith.
And I know that when I speak my truth, She will honour it, always.
I am truly happy.
I know who I am.
I am Her.
She is you.
We are Her.
We can tap into Her power at any time.
She knows everything.
She answers everything.
She gives you everything you want as long as you are true.
Truth is what brings Her to you and you to Her.